A wacky day on the road

Every bus today was late. Nothing out of the ordinary in these parts, as Greyhound Canada is much more reliable than its southern parent company that rolls along most Interstate routes.

Some highlights from today, a monstrously long day that started in D.C. and ended in Columbus:

• In D.C.'s waiting room, I talked to a gentleman named Mel. He likes Barack Obama and prefers him to John McCain, but is rooting for McCain, anyway. Why? If Obama wins, Mel says, he will be assassinated. The civil-rights movement will thus be set back a generation.

• Mel also believes that the Monica Lewinsky affair was a set up; that Bill Clinton plotted to kill former commerce secretary Rob Brown; and that the Pentagon strike on 9/11 was not carried out by Islamic terrorists, but "someone else" who actually received training in landing.

• The gentleman in front of me leaving D.C., a clean-cut chap on the way to Richmond, Virginia, proceeded to shield his eyes from light by, I kid you not, wearing underwear on his head.

• Someone behind me sort of mumbled his way through the trip, doubting the existence of New Jersey and requesting corroboration from his seatmate.

• From rural West Virginia until Columbus, I sat across from a drunk Texan who was drunk presumably because he attended two funerals this week in different parts of the country, and is on his way to see his sister who is (hopefully) recovering from triple-bypass surgery.

• A crying baby ruined the trip by crying, in my estimation, 60 per cent of the time. Moral of the story: Always bring some form of nourishment for an infant.